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Though I'm a godless man, I still wonder who, what, and where the one true is. In the progression of my life I first believed in (followed) the Christian god because of my upbringing. As early as age 8-9, I was already debating with my Sunday school teacher about the events of the bible and what appeared to me to be inconsistencies. I didn't think that anyone could build an ark big enough to hold 2 of each species of all land animals. I didn't believe that people could live to be 600 years old. Most distinctly, I remember the frustrating debate with said Sunday school teacher about free will not being free if God could reveal the future to a select few who could in turn tell the people who were sinning against God.
Much later in my life I resigned myself to the belief that the bible was written by smart desert men who had but good intentions for their readers. I respect these men a great deal for their righteousness, dignity, and good will towards men but I just don't believe that Jesus sacrificed his life for us or that God gave his only begotten son. See, if God created us in his image then we should not only look but also think like him. He should then understand why I believe that when you give something away, it is no longer yours. God gave his only begotten son but now that son is reunited with him in Heaven? And Jesus sacrificed his life but now has ever lasting life in Heaven? Know what, I think I'd spend a dollar to win the lottery jackpot too. Please don't be disgusted with me for saying that. I think the idea of someone dying for his people is extremely nobel. At the same time, I think it's just also very romantic.
I know someone can't help but think that I'm mocking Jesus' ultimate sacrifice and therefore should perish because I had my chance to believe and did but turned away. Understand I don't mock, but rather simply don't believe. For the record, if God is keeping track, if I knew for a fact that he and his son were my creators and had "never ending love" for me, I'd hit my knees in an instant and offer my own never ending devotion. However, I just don't think "never ending love" lives up to its name if most of us will be tossed like vegies into the lake of fire. I lead a decent life, am a man of my word, give when I can, help when I can't, but I will be subjected to the same fate as a serial killer? At the same time another serial killer on death roll who murdered and ate dozens of people but professes and confesses 2 minutes before execution gets to go to Heaven? It's all circular logic and pretty much just jibberish to me!
Now to my point- Later yet in my life I tried to make sense of this all. I arrived at my own conclusion that our souls live numerous lifetimes and with each lifetime, we learn and mature. Like in school, if we don't learn what we're supposed to that year, we aren't moved up a grade and are bound to repeat that grade. In the context of this topic, we didn't learn so aren't promoted to the next life and must relive this one as many times as it takes until we do. Analogously speaking, when we graduate there are rewards to reap. So in this lifetime I have to learn patience, understanding, and to help my fellow man. I have to give and not expect back. I have to do and not keep score. I have to love although I'm not loved. I have to forgive and turn the other cheek.
Wait a minute, this is starting to sound like the teachings of the Christian bible! So... if there is a system of a maturing of the soul and you move forward with the good that you learn to do, why not just re-adopt Christianity? If I simply lead a good life and have a positive effect on the lives of others I move forward. If I congregate with others in a place of worship and refine the being within me I move forward. Even if the Father and the Son aren't the true masters of the universe, living my life according to their bible still moves me forward. And if the scriptures are right, I will have been saved anyway. Either way you don't lose right?
So what's stopping me you ask? See, one of the things I hate most is fake ess mf's. I can't profess with my mouth and not confess with my heart. According to the bible you can't fool God, and I don't want to try. An entity as great as he deserves more than what I have to offer. I am unworthy. While others' are out of the fear of dying, my following would only be out of faith that isn't real. Well, faith isn't real to begin with but I'd be forcing myself to be faithful which is doubly fake.
I do not mean to offend anyone with this thread. I'd like to hear your thoughts please. Perhaps it can help end the war in my head.
-Heu
Much later in my life I resigned myself to the belief that the bible was written by smart desert men who had but good intentions for their readers. I respect these men a great deal for their righteousness, dignity, and good will towards men but I just don't believe that Jesus sacrificed his life for us or that God gave his only begotten son. See, if God created us in his image then we should not only look but also think like him. He should then understand why I believe that when you give something away, it is no longer yours. God gave his only begotten son but now that son is reunited with him in Heaven? And Jesus sacrificed his life but now has ever lasting life in Heaven? Know what, I think I'd spend a dollar to win the lottery jackpot too. Please don't be disgusted with me for saying that. I think the idea of someone dying for his people is extremely nobel. At the same time, I think it's just also very romantic.
I know someone can't help but think that I'm mocking Jesus' ultimate sacrifice and therefore should perish because I had my chance to believe and did but turned away. Understand I don't mock, but rather simply don't believe. For the record, if God is keeping track, if I knew for a fact that he and his son were my creators and had "never ending love" for me, I'd hit my knees in an instant and offer my own never ending devotion. However, I just don't think "never ending love" lives up to its name if most of us will be tossed like vegies into the lake of fire. I lead a decent life, am a man of my word, give when I can, help when I can't, but I will be subjected to the same fate as a serial killer? At the same time another serial killer on death roll who murdered and ate dozens of people but professes and confesses 2 minutes before execution gets to go to Heaven? It's all circular logic and pretty much just jibberish to me!
Now to my point- Later yet in my life I tried to make sense of this all. I arrived at my own conclusion that our souls live numerous lifetimes and with each lifetime, we learn and mature. Like in school, if we don't learn what we're supposed to that year, we aren't moved up a grade and are bound to repeat that grade. In the context of this topic, we didn't learn so aren't promoted to the next life and must relive this one as many times as it takes until we do. Analogously speaking, when we graduate there are rewards to reap. So in this lifetime I have to learn patience, understanding, and to help my fellow man. I have to give and not expect back. I have to do and not keep score. I have to love although I'm not loved. I have to forgive and turn the other cheek.
Wait a minute, this is starting to sound like the teachings of the Christian bible! So... if there is a system of a maturing of the soul and you move forward with the good that you learn to do, why not just re-adopt Christianity? If I simply lead a good life and have a positive effect on the lives of others I move forward. If I congregate with others in a place of worship and refine the being within me I move forward. Even if the Father and the Son aren't the true masters of the universe, living my life according to their bible still moves me forward. And if the scriptures are right, I will have been saved anyway. Either way you don't lose right?
So what's stopping me you ask? See, one of the things I hate most is fake ess mf's. I can't profess with my mouth and not confess with my heart. According to the bible you can't fool God, and I don't want to try. An entity as great as he deserves more than what I have to offer. I am unworthy. While others' are out of the fear of dying, my following would only be out of faith that isn't real. Well, faith isn't real to begin with but I'd be forcing myself to be faithful which is doubly fake.
I do not mean to offend anyone with this thread. I'd like to hear your thoughts please. Perhaps it can help end the war in my head.
-Heu